Letter from Trump’s Civil War
The Yankees have blocked the satellite dish with their damnable tree, so I am unable to get updates from Fox News, but I believe we are winning this war. I can still read our dear leader’s tweets, and as I pass Starbucks, I yell “Fake News” out the window to pwn the libs. I can still get Slim Jims and 64 ounce Cokes with plastic straws from the local gas station, so I am able to hold out a while longer. I have faith in our great general Sean Hannity, even though he says he is too important to visit the battlefield, he is sending producers to call the Yankees socialists and make fun of their book learnin’. I will now return to my bed to hold and protect my 57 guns in fear that these weak pansy liberals will break into my house with their jackboots and take them from me.
In MAGA’s name I pray,