Agent of Change

A Blog by Cory!! Strode, who really should write something interesting here.

Crackers

I saw a list on line of someone Top 10 crackers. I am stealing the idea and doing my own because I can. Letterman retired, so was can ALL do top 10 lists now.

  1. Triscuit – They have a bajillion flavors now, from rosemary and olive oil to Mountain Dew, but I don’t care. Plain old Triscuits are awesome. When I was in 6th grade, we bought them for sleepover movie nights thinking we were classy, now I buy them because they are the best way to eat cheese.
  2. Pretzel Thins – Pretzels you can stack shit on? Awesome.
  3. Saltines – When I was a kid, my dad would crumble about 40 or so of these in his soup in order to eat it. It wasn’t until my 40’s that I realized you didn’t have to do that. Still, if I am tired and hungry, there things are edible, take no thought, and taste just good enough that you eat them.
  4. Graham – You can lie to yourself and say they are healthier than cookies. I won’t call you out. They also were created as a health food, so they have always been a lie. Most of you buy them now only to make s’mores, which is a damn shame.
  5. Teddy Grahams – These saved my son’s life numerous times on long car trips because if he had a baggie of these, he’d be quiet while I listened to the radio or tried to figure out where the hell Cedar Rapid is on the damn map.
  6. Goldfish – These saved MY life on long car trips so that I didn’t lose my mind and start eating the dashboard out of hunger and boredom.
  7. Pita chips – These are sold to us as healthy (they’re BAKED! Wait, all crackers are baked…) and you eat them with hummus instead of some industrialized cheese product.
  8. Ritz crackers and their assorted generic knockoffs – When you want a rich golden brown color and more fat with your saltines.
  9. Animal crackers – These used to be in the top 3, but somehow in the last 20 years, they make them with extra “who gives a damn” so that they don’t taste as good as they used to. Or, I’m am not a child any more. Either way, I buy a box or so a year, and half way through, I realize why I never buy them.
  10. Bagel Chips – The loudest food in history. If I am eating these, it’s because I really don’t want to hear a damn thing you’re saying, but am too polite to wander away or to tell you to shut your pie hole.
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