Some more details on “Nice vs Kind”
Nice is a social construct. Doing what society expects to either curry favor or maintain societal norms. Nice people do things for people and then tell you all about it, much like how Donald Trump goes on and on and on about how much he gives to charity or when he hugs the flag at a rally. Or how a man opens a door for a woman and kinda forgets to do it for a man or a child. Or a woman who asks someone about themselves when they first meet, but soon never asks that same person about how they are doing. It is transactional, and meant to get something.
Kind is internal and doesn’t give a damn about what other people think as long as it leads to a easing of a burden or helps someone or something. Kind is cleaning up a break room when you find it a mess when no one is around. Kind is opening the door for the person behind you no matter who it is. Kind is making sure that you don’t put food that an animal would want in garbage that would be sitting outside for a few days waiting for the trash pick up causing danger for that animal, and instead just leaving it beside the dustbin so it can be eaten safely. Kind is loving everyone, no matter what, and doing it without notice. Kind is internal and is its own reward.
I doubt anyone knows what charities I give to, other than when I mention “Hey, you should give to these folks, they do good work.” When I have the option, I choose careers where I am helping people, because I feel that if you have to work to earn money, you should do it in a way that helps, or at least does no harm.
When I help someone and they ask what I want out of it, I understand that they are used to the transaction nature of “Niceness”, and I usually make a joke of it by saying that owe me a burrito. I rarely press the issue and people rarely buy me the burrito. And that’s fine. I can afford all the burritos I want now that I am working nearly constantly.
That’s why I say you’ve got to love EVERYBODY. Nice people love those who give them things. Kind people love everyone, even those who hate them.
I am nowhere near perfect. This does not come easily or instinctually to me for whatever reason, and it didn’t start in me until I decided I had to learn how to love UNCONDITIONALLY. It’s not religion, it’s not spirituality, it’s not philosophy.
It’s a choice. Every day. To look at the world through the eyes of love instead of the yes of fear. Nice people fear that if they aren’t nice, things will be taken from them. Kind people don’t care what is taken because they have themselves and with that, they have an infinite capability to give. Nice people look for a return on an investment. Kind people don’t think of the future and instead what they can do to make things better now.
I have a solid tribe that reminds me to be kind by showing me that kindness. They are the examples I try to live up to and kind people remind me of what a right bastard I used to be.
Much love to friends old and new and I hope you can see me living up to the creed of The Invisibles: I am fighting for a world where everyone gets what they want. Even our enemies.